Hello and welcome back 🙂
I hope all is well with everyone taking their time to read this, and I hope your day/week/month/year is going exactly how you would like.
For me the past few weeks, I have had a taste of what hell would be like if I suddenly died. There’s been tears, anger, sadness and stress but they have all lead me to how I feel today and that is…
Yes can you believe this moany old girl is actually happy with how things are turning out. I have to say this week and past weeks have been quite hard, I felt like there was a lot of stress and sadness. I have had troubles with my relationship, friendships and work life.
My relationship has been tricky and I think me and the boyf have come to agreements that it is both of us, we have both been moody, we have both been stressed and last but not least we have both been suffocating each other (well I suffocate him more than he does to me and not literally… sometimes anyway ;)… Kidding).
We did come to blows and we did come to the point where we weren’t entirely happy. It took some time to talk, eat a bad pizza and cry (well I cried) to figure out what it was we needed to do to make things all good again. Its the most simplistic thing you could do. A scary five letter word. S P A C E. yes to me that word is super scary and that is because when I think of that word, I think shit he doesn’t want me around and he doesn’t love me waaaaaaa, when really that is a silly and immature way of looking at it. Now, having that space and free time to myself I feel so good, ,I have had time with my family and time with my friends. I have missed him so much in that time but it’s enabled me to grow as a person and also make me realise, actually I don’t have to spend every minute with him, I need my own time to do my own things. Space is really good and for someone who is just like me and feel’s that they have to be with their other half all the time, trust me don’t, it could be ruining it. This time away has made me look forward to seeing him a lot more. So my advice if you are going through the same sort of thing, take a step back, stop crowding him and do your own thing 🙂
With friends, It hasn’t been as tricky as me and my boyfriend but there have been times where we have come head first and come to blows over the silliest things, or I’ve been grouchy and taken it out on them or I push them away. I’ve realised friends are the perfect people to vent and rant to but they are also there to tell you the absolute brutal truth in order for you to realise and think to your self I need to sort this out. Thanks to my friends who have done exactly that. I was so invested in my relationship that I didn’t allow myself anytime with my friends, I just pushed them away and these past few weeks have allowed me to realise that I needed them friends to get through and even though I ditched them or pushed them out when it came to me being in tears or angry they were the one’s there to pull me through.
I hated being that friend that ditched the girls to go see her boyfriend as though he is more important. At the end of the day he wasn’t. In this time realising it I have mended sore friendships and we have all opened up and come together. So girls if your there, especially G and Amy, Thank you for sticking by me when I pushed or argued with you the most
Last but not least, work. Everyone hate’s working. Me especially. If it was down to me I would be rich in the Bahama’s having gorgeous waiters serving for me…. or I would be a housewife.. same same. But work has been stressful on a different level. I had at the time been looking for a new job. I was lucky enough to come by a lady who helped people get specific jobs, this kind lady got me an interview for a vets practice and I felt the interview went well. The interviewer said to me, we will tell you either way if you get it or not and I would find out within 2 weeks. Throughout them 2 weeks I was a paranoid wreck, I was waiting and waiting, in the end it just stressed me out so much that I took it out on Adam which is what started the rough patch. 3 weeks fly by and they still haven’t got back to me and for me I always need closure with things. I messaged that lady 100x and she eventually told me they decided to employ internally. I was so angry but also happy that I finally got the closure I needed. It made my weeks so frustrating but it was also a lesson to not let things get to me so easily and let things be.
I am actually quite happy in the job I am in now, things have really turned a corner and I feel a lot less stressed. Although the hours are long and the days are tiring, some days are good, some are bad but I can say that I feel a lot happier here. I can see myself doing he nursing quicker and easier.
The weeks have got to me but through that black tunnel I have come out feeling better, happier and a lot more positive.
I go on holiday with Adam in 2 days and I couldn’t be more excited!
I have done my holiday shopping, packing will be done on Friday and then Ill be off!
I feel good!
I hope you enjoyed this little reflective post.
Stay Tuned for the holiday post coming soon!